"No Step About It"
September 26, 2011
Step...Stepmother, Stepfather, Stepchildren—the word "step" can take on such a negative connotation to so many in our society. A family is a family. In my eyes, there's no "step" about it.
See, I am a child of two blended families and now a mom in a blended family of my own. I have a very good understanding of being a child of a blended family because of my upbringing, and I’m now blindly, but optimistically navigating my way through the blended family mom role.
I never looked at my Stepfather as anything but a second dad. I really never even knew how to introduce him to others because to say, "This is my stepfather, Ted" almost seemed degrading. I've always loved him so much. He's done so much for me and would do anything a great dad would do for his daughter. I did introduce him that way, always very hesitantly and almost under my breath until a few years ago. I mean, this man had been there for me through everything. In fact, in a crisis I'd probably call him before anyone, so why was I calling him my stepfather when our hearts were bound as father and daughter? Now, I say, "These are my parents" or "This is my dad, Ted." No one will ever replace by biological father, ever, but it's ok to have two dads, two men who love me with all they've got. And I, as their child, love them both very much and appreciate the sacrifices they both have made for me, very different sacrifices I may add and all equally as challenging.
It's not easy being a stepparent, taking on a mother or father role in your new blended family and household. It can be incredibly intimidating. It's one of the most challenging positions to be in as a parent and a child. As a parent you try everything in your power to make it easy on the kids, to make them feel like there's more love than they could ever imagine, not less.
There are many obstacles to overcome.... two households with different rules, many different personalities and opinions that can pose issues at times. But it’s important to take the highroad for the kids’ sake and ultimately for your own. Unfortunately, our family life is being played out in the media in a way that's unsettling to Eddie and me. We cannot control "speculation," "accusations" or "allegations" (big words thrown into articles to make it legally ok to print lies) nor control the "sources." We can however control the way we choose to handle our lives as professional, public figures, parents and adults for our family and to set an example for the boys. There are questions and sometimes the answers are simple, sometimes not. There's confusion from a stepparent's perspective: "Where do I step in? When do I step out?" There are the children you want to keep shielded from any negativity that might arise and the biological parent in your household, in my case Eddie, that you never want to let feel like a single parent.
Eddie's son's, I treat as if they are my own. Eddie has always encouraged me to look at us as a family and a part of our family are the two beautiful boys that we share with their mother and hopefully one day another wonderful man. Trust me, it's sometimes hard to wrap my mind around. It takes time to get to know your new family and them you. It takes time to get used to going between two worlds for these kids. One thing I know, is that I will never replace their mother, I would never try. I will however love them with all I have and do anything in my power to help raise them in a loving, safe and proper environment. Eddie and I make a conscious effort to focus on the positives in our home and try not to let the negative seep in. The kids see us make mistakes as parents and as people but, they see us pick ourselves up and move on with love in our hearts and lessons learned.
These two little boys came into my life for a reason and I think I came into theirs for a reason too. And through all the challenges I speak of, we've found an amazing relationship full of laughter, respect and love. It's beyond rewarding to be able to help Eddie raise the boys and shape their lives. I take my role very seriously and I'm proud of the peaceful, loving environment Eddie and I have created for our family in our household. Society will always call me a stepmom, the boys will call me Le, but in our house, in our family, we remove the "step." We really are all... simply family.
See, I am a child of two blended families and now a mom in a blended family of my own. I have a very good understanding of being a child of a blended family because of my upbringing, and I’m now blindly, but optimistically navigating my way through the blended family mom role.
I never looked at my Stepfather as anything but a second dad. I really never even knew how to introduce him to others because to say, "This is my stepfather, Ted" almost seemed degrading. I've always loved him so much. He's done so much for me and would do anything a great dad would do for his daughter. I did introduce him that way, always very hesitantly and almost under my breath until a few years ago. I mean, this man had been there for me through everything. In fact, in a crisis I'd probably call him before anyone, so why was I calling him my stepfather when our hearts were bound as father and daughter? Now, I say, "These are my parents" or "This is my dad, Ted." No one will ever replace by biological father, ever, but it's ok to have two dads, two men who love me with all they've got. And I, as their child, love them both very much and appreciate the sacrifices they both have made for me, very different sacrifices I may add and all equally as challenging.
It's not easy being a stepparent, taking on a mother or father role in your new blended family and household. It can be incredibly intimidating. It's one of the most challenging positions to be in as a parent and a child. As a parent you try everything in your power to make it easy on the kids, to make them feel like there's more love than they could ever imagine, not less.
There are many obstacles to overcome.... two households with different rules, many different personalities and opinions that can pose issues at times. But it’s important to take the highroad for the kids’ sake and ultimately for your own. Unfortunately, our family life is being played out in the media in a way that's unsettling to Eddie and me. We cannot control "speculation," "accusations" or "allegations" (big words thrown into articles to make it legally ok to print lies) nor control the "sources." We can however control the way we choose to handle our lives as professional, public figures, parents and adults for our family and to set an example for the boys. There are questions and sometimes the answers are simple, sometimes not. There's confusion from a stepparent's perspective: "Where do I step in? When do I step out?" There are the children you want to keep shielded from any negativity that might arise and the biological parent in your household, in my case Eddie, that you never want to let feel like a single parent.
Eddie's son's, I treat as if they are my own. Eddie has always encouraged me to look at us as a family and a part of our family are the two beautiful boys that we share with their mother and hopefully one day another wonderful man. Trust me, it's sometimes hard to wrap my mind around. It takes time to get to know your new family and them you. It takes time to get used to going between two worlds for these kids. One thing I know, is that I will never replace their mother, I would never try. I will however love them with all I have and do anything in my power to help raise them in a loving, safe and proper environment. Eddie and I make a conscious effort to focus on the positives in our home and try not to let the negative seep in. The kids see us make mistakes as parents and as people but, they see us pick ourselves up and move on with love in our hearts and lessons learned.
These two little boys came into my life for a reason and I think I came into theirs for a reason too. And through all the challenges I speak of, we've found an amazing relationship full of laughter, respect and love. It's beyond rewarding to be able to help Eddie raise the boys and shape their lives. I take my role very seriously and I'm proud of the peaceful, loving environment Eddie and I have created for our family in our household. Society will always call me a stepmom, the boys will call me Le, but in our house, in our family, we remove the "step." We really are all... simply family.
