Sometimes in life you are moved to share things that you thought you'd hide forever. Maybe you thought you'd carry the burden of your dark secrets or feelings, because you felt too ashamed at the time to open up or felt like you were the only human in this world to feel these emotions. Or maybe it's that your family, friends, schoolmates, or in my case, the whole world, would judge you. I very rarely feel that way anymore, it's freeing.  As someone in my position, every mistake I've made and every hardship I've overcome could be a ray of hope for someone else feeling the same things or going through a similar situation. At least that's the way I look at it. These are all my lessons, on my path and hopefully I can turn those trip up's and heartbreaks into power.  I do realize I have the power through my words, my actions, and my music to help others. 

My involvement in the Trevor Project Gala made me want to reach out even more, not only to the LGBTQ youth of America, but to all youth. I wanted to share a bit about myself, the interesting life I've led and maybe through a few little stories you'll see that I'm just like you, we're all like one another. No talent or fame will ever shield you from pain, self hate, shame, self doubt, feelings of worthlessness & bullying.

I was bullied as a child for my appearance.  A lot of you may know I've had psoriasis, a debilitating skin disease since I was two. I was called the "scaly girl" from second grade on. My biggest fear when I signed my record deal at age 11 was that I wasn't pretty enough for people to like me. I would hide myself in long, heavy jeans and long sleeve shirts in the middle of scorching hot weather at fair and festival shows. I remember my mom being really afraid of what people would think if they saw it on my body. I used to want to hide from everyone, but by age 13 the whole world was watching. Funny I think, how God does that to us.  He makes us face our biggest fears head on. I had no choice. It was either face the world, suck it up and try to hide my body or give up everything I'd worked so hard for since I was a little girl, all because of the name calling or how I thought the world would view me.

In my head, I was the ugly, scaly kid, depressed and very much alone within myself. I didn't have very many friends. Those who were my friends, when they finally saw my skin ran the opposite direction, all except one or two.  I never ever thought a man would love me.  Who would want to be with a lizard I would tell myself. I was wrong, I was wrong about it all. I have so much to offer way beyond my skin. I have friends, family and a husband who love me for who I am. I've turned my years of frustration with my disease into a march on Capitol Hill that raised $1.2 million dollars for the CDC to begin their first data collection on psoriasis and psoriasis patients and I've reached out to the over 7.5 million people in America who suffer as I have and do, sharing my story through campaigns. Their stories and "thank you's" are inspiring to me. It's a cause I will keep on supporting for the rest of my life. And as you can tell, I'm no longer afraid to share my struggles.  Although, one of my biggest fears still to this day is that it will come back and come back strong. I've been clear for six years, all because of advances in medicine and lifestyle changes, but all I see still is a little girl, terrified that people wouldn't love and accept her because of her skin.  Diseases, skin color, sexuality, religious back ground...to me, it’s what makes us all different and uniquely us. What a boring world we would live in if we didn't have differences. The sad thing, in my opinions, is that we all tear one another down for them instead of trying to dig deeper, understand each other, not judge and celebrate all of the differences God has given us.

One other thought for those out there who are being bullied and judged.  As I'm sitting here writing this I'm realizing how much negativity I've been up against my whole life. Some of it was of my choosing and some not.  Some was from people that have been in my life since I was born, some from past relationships I've chosen and some from the world and the scrutiny that comes with the business that I'm in.  I never really knew what I was getting into as a child with this thing called fame. I wanted to sing and entertain, but I’d give you back a lot of the rest for a little less negativity and peace. I've heard I was too fat, too skinny, too ugly, not smart enough, I look like a man, my eyes are too small, my nose is too big....I could go on and on. I can't honestly say these judgments and the name calling hasn't affected me at times, it has and to the core. These are all so many judgments and wrong judgments at that, from people that loved me, or so I thought, and people that have never even met me. It's always circled around me and quite frankly still does.  See, you'll never be able to escape the negativity and judgment, but you can find peace and it all starts by looking inward.

 I've gotten rid of most of the negativity as far as the people that are in my inner circle and I've surrounded myself with people that are positive, people that help me further my growth as a human being and I give them the same in return. The outside world, hell, even your inside world may always have their negative views, but your core group and mostly YOU will be able help tune it out 99% of the time and focus on what's important, which is being the best YOU that you can be, flaws and all. Great thing is, we are all flawed in many ways but there are really no "flaws" if you learn to love what makes you different, what makes you,  well, YOU.  No one can ever break you down or take away your spirit unless you let them. I'm not letting anyone take mine any longer and I hope you can find it within yourself to do the same.  Life is a journey, hopefully a long one with many peaks and valleys. I feel that IT DOES GET BETTER and better and better. I’m not saying it's easy or that I've got it all figured out, because I don't, but I believe you can change your outlook and your world. You deserve the best! Don't look outward, look inward for peace, believe in yourself whole heartedly, make mistakes and learn from them. Say “screw it” and take risks. Love completely.  Forgive quickly.  And most importantly, in a world where it's easier to fit in, just be you, whatever that may be.